So, as I’m entertaining the idea of this blogging journey, I’m doing my due diligence, researching this space and trying to get ideas and inspirations for how to go about starting my own blog and find my place on the world-wide web. At first glance, I’m stoked! The excitement of it all consumes me. My mind and my notebook overflow with ideas, topics to write about, hashtags and more! I find inspiration in, well everything! My platform for writing is endless and I have complete free reign to promote any topic that I deem blog-worthy. Note to self: #BlogWorthy

And then there are the YouTubers. Oh, how I love YouTube. The girls are always so pretty. From Sazan Barzani/Hendrix, to Superficialgirl to Eugenie Grey (@feralcreature), Ulovemegz, BeautybyJJ and my personal fave, Nitraa B. But before I can understand what is happening, my dreams of becoming a bloggerist are shattered by my fear of inadequacy.

What if I’m not good enough? What if I’m not pretty enough? What if no one subscribes, or reads my blog or…or worse…what if no one really “likes” me. Forget the thumbs up, I mean, what if they really don’t like me? I’m now consumed with defeat before I’ve even began. It’s crazy, because if you were to ask me on a scale of 1 to 10 what my confidence level is, I’d be apt to say a solid 8 or 9. When I see the girls on social media and on the blog spots and on YouTube, I see and admire their confidence. I think to myself, well, if I looked like that, then I’d be on social media, too! But truthfully speaking, I’m just not a “selfie” type girl.

At 33 years old, I’m still trying to find the balance between my level of confidence and acceptance. It’s funny because most people that know me, or encounter me have an idea of who or what they think I am. I’ve been told that I’m perceived as outgoing, social, and sometimes even “stuck up”. When the truth is quite the contrary. The truth is that I’m so introverted that I prefer someone to strike a conversation with me because often times, I feel awkward “meeting new people”. The truth is that I rather enjoy when someone strikes up a conversation with me and at the end they confess, “I thought you were mean at first, but you’re a cool chick”.

Having said all that, my focus for my writing must be and remain my personal pursuit of happiness. I pledge to not get discouraged by the talents of this sector, but to be inspired to a higher precedence. I would like to think that the infinite space of digital content is great enough to host us all.

-TheRealBlackCarrieBradshaw