I’ll admit it, I used to be one of those women who thought I couldn’t wait to get married so that my life would feel complete.

When I was in my 20s, all I wanted was to go on a date and have the guy tell me that he was looking for a wife. I remember getting all dressed up to go on what seemed like a million first dates and pretty much having made up my mind by the end of the night as to whether or not he was “the one”. Disappointed each time after I realized early on that the guy was not on the same page as me with regard to a relationship and commitment. I remember countless times professing that “I’m not dating just to date. I’m dating to find a husband.” We spent a decade….and by we, I mean me (myself and I) looking for love at every turn. That’s how it is in your 20s, though. What I’ve ultimately found out was, that I wasted 10 good years, worth of 20s looking for love in all the wrong places. And sometimes in the right places, just at the wrong time. What I’ve found out from myself and women like me was that in my 20s, my view was somewhat out of proportion for what I thought would make me happy.

In marriage, or any relationship for that matter, your partner is is not supposed to complete you. They’re supposed to complement you. Your partner should be an asset to you and the person you are becoming. Sometimes we place expectations on people for things they didn’t even know we require, like our emotional well-being. That’s a high standard for one person to live up to.

Marriage isn’t a cure all for the self-work that is required by you. Marriage is about accountability, compatibility and believe it or not, self-awareness. When I was younger, I thought finding my person and living in matrimony would be my end-all, be-all to happiness. The older I get, the more I realize that I can create my own happiness. Moreover, that is my obligation to myself rather than putting that task on someone else.

In my 20s, all I wanted was to be married.

In my 20s, all I wanted was to be in love.

In my 20s, all I wanted was companionship

In my 20s, all I wanted was a husband.

In my 20s, all I wanted was to be settled down.

In my 20s, all I wanted was someone to call my own.

In my 20s, all I wanted was to be his only one.

In my 20s, all I wanted was to be good enough.

In my 20s, all I wanted was to be his wife.

In my 20s, all I wanted was someone to come home to.

In my 30s, all I want is to establish myself in my career and find a man that adds value to my life. Period.