Fear of Success

Have you ever considered that you might be afraid of success?

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Sounds crazy, huh? But I think this is exactly what I’m experiencing. In fact it’s what many of us fear. I once read an article that associated the fear of success to the arousal experienced during sexual trauma. I didn’t agree with that argument for more reasons than one although, the article gave a second reason as a precondition of “getting your hopes up” only to be disappointed. While I could see the logic in that, it still didn’t exactly resonate for what I was experiencing.

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For months, I’ve sat on my manuscript for my book, Ghosts of Love Lives Past. This is an idea that has been prophesied to me by several people. And as good as I know it is, I have yet to actually submit it to be printed. It’s an incredible read, I promise you & I’m not just saying that because I wrote it. I’m saying that because it’s SO GOOD, in fact, sometimes I can’t believe I wrote it. Effortlessly. In a matter of weeks, in fact. I literally sat down to write a blog post, such as this & it turned into a freaking book.

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As crazy as it sounds, it almost makes sense to me NOT to publish the book & keep pushing back the release date because it gives me something to look forward to, versus, if I release it…then what? Ride the wave for a bit then crash?

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I kinda feel like, having this book “in the works’ gives me something to look forward to. I mean, I know I could (& will) write another book once I’ve released this one, but I won’t ever be able to write or publish my very first book again. Does that even make sense?

Behdad Sami once said, “A lot of people are afraid to succeed and don’t want to fail, but if you don’t attempt, aren’t you already failing in the same spot?” With that said, your desire for success must be greater than your fear of failure. After all, it would be a shame to be in this same spot this time next year saying the same damn thing. I’ve told my sister several times that I’ve had sort of a premonition that once I “make it” I’m going to realize that success was there (in that moment) all along.

Yet, the question still haunts me, “what are you afraid of?”