We’ve all heard the advice:
“Go for the good guy. Looks fade. Chemistry doesn’t pay bills.”

And while there’s wisdom in those words, sometimes real life doesn’t feel that neat.

What happens when the “good guy” shows up—intentional, available, consistent—but you’re just… not feeling it? Not in your body. Not in your bones. Not in that butterfly-fluttering, can’t-stop-smiling, “I want to be wrapped up in you” kind of way.

It’s a question I’ve found myself quietly sitting with:
Can love grow, even if the spark isn’t there at first?
And more importantly—should we wait around hoping it does?

Choosing Between Chemistry and Compatibility: The Pressure to Look Past the Physical

As women, we often downplay the importance of physical attraction. We don’t want to seem shallow or ungrateful—especially when a man is treating us well. We try to focus on his good heart. His consistency. The way he shows up. We tell ourselves, “Maybe I’ll feel it eventually.”

And sometimes we do.

Because emotional intimacy can absolutely shift the way we experience someone. Getting to know who a person is at their core—how they think, what they value, how they make us feel emotionally—can soften the resistance. We might start noticing little things we never saw before. A smile that starts to look sweeter. A presence that begins to feel safer.

And yes, sometimes? A physical connection—touch, closeness, a moment of genuine intimacy—can awaken something physical we didn’t expect.

But here’s the thing: there’s a difference between a slow burn and a non-starter.
And deep down, you know the difference.

Are You Hoping or Forcing?

If you’ve been in this situation, here’s a question to gently ask yourself:

Am I hoping this grows—or am I forcing it because I don’t want to miss out on something “good enough”?

That question has been a compass for me. Because if you’re constantly trying to will yourself into wanting someone, ignoring your body’s signals, or feeling disconnected no matter how much you try to open your heart… that’s information.

And you deserve to trust what your body knows—even if your brain is trying to talk you into something safe.

The Self Check-In: What Do You Actually Want?

Before we start editing our standards or bending into emotional shapes to make something “make sense,” it’s worth checking in:

• Do I feel emotionally and physically safe with this person?
• Do I genuinely enjoy their presence—or just appreciate their consistency?
• Do I want them—or do I want the version of love they represent?
• Am I open to the connection evolving—or secretly hoping I’ll wake up with butterflies one day?

You’re Not Asking for Too Much

Here’s what I believe:
You’re not wrong for wanting it all—emotional connection and physical desire.
You’re not “too picky” because someone checks most of the boxes but leaves your soul untouched.
You’re not shallow for craving a spark.
And you’re not broken for wondering why the spark hasn’t come.

You’re human.
And love isn’t always linear.

Sometimes it grows.
Sometimes it doesn’t.
But either way—you deserve a love that feels good to you, not just one that looks good on paper.

Trust yourself. Trust your pace. Trust your knowing.

The right love won’t need to be forced.
It’ll find its way into your spirit—and your skin—when it’s real.