While sidechick culture is nothing new, it feels more visible now, especially with social media, hip-hop lyrics, and confession threads.

My thoughts? To Each Her Own…

What Is a Sidechick, Really?

• Traditionally: a woman romantically or sexually involved with someone who is already in a committed relationship.
• Modern reality: sometimes knowingly, sometimes unknowingly.
• Not always desperate. Not always messy. Sometimes chosen.

“Being a sidechick is rarely black and white—sometimes it’s a conscious decision, sometimes it’s denial dressed in a situationship.” —The Real Black Carrie Bradshaw

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The Pros (& Yes, There Are Some): Why Some Women Choose the Side Seat

Let’s get real: if there weren’t some benefits, this wouldn’t even be a topic. So before we judge, let’s understand.

1. Less Emotional Labor

Being the main chick can come with responsibilities—emotional caretaking, family obligations, future planning. Some women simply aren’t interested in managing all that.

2. Honesty (Ironically)

Many men are more transparent with their sidechicks than they are with their partners. There’s less pressure, fewer expectations, and sometimes a surprising amount of emotional vulnerability.

3. Freedom & Flexibility

For women focused on their careers, healing, or just not wanting anything serious, the sidechick role might actually feel freeing. They can enjoy companionship without the full-time commitment.

4. Financial or Emotional Perks

Let’s not pretend: some relationships—whether main or side—are transactional. And in some cases, both parties are okay with that.

5. No Illusions

When you know your position, you can set your boundaries. There’s a certain clarity that comes with knowing exactly where you stand.

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The Cons: What the Highlights Reel Doesn’t Show

Even if the situation works short-term, it often comes with emotional landmines.

1. Limited Access

You don’t get the holidays. You don’t meet the family. You’re not part of the bigger picture, no matter how good the vibe feels in the moment.

2. Catching Feelings (It Happens)

You tell yourself you’re cool. You’re not looking for more. But feelings have a way of creeping in—especially when intimacy is involved.

3. Stigma and Secrecy

Whether or not you care what people think, society definitely has thoughts. And carrying someone’s secret can start to feel heavy.

4. Dishonesty (Even to Yourself)

Not every man is upfront about his relationship status. And sometimes, the biggest lie isn’t from him—it’s the one we tell ourselves about where this is headed.

5. Delayed Healing

If you find yourself staying in sidechick situations, ask yourself: Am I avoiding real connection? Am I afraid of being chosen? Or do I just not feel worthy of more?

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Why Do Women Choose to Be Sidechicks?

Sometimes, the choice is circumstantial. Other times, it’s deeply psychological.

• Avoidant Attachment: If intimacy feels threatening, a limited connection can feel safe.
• Past Trauma: Some women normalize being “second” because that’s what love has always looked like.
• Power Dynamics: There’s a thrill in having access to someone who technically “belongs” to someone else.
• Control Without Commitment: You control the connection but don’t have to invest in a future that feels uncertain.

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“Sidechicks Are Winning”—Is There Truth to It?

This phrase gets thrown around a lot, especially by men who say things like:

• “I tell my sidechick the truth because I don’t have to lie to her.”
• “My girl nags, but my sidechick listens.”
• “Sidechicks know where I’m really at. The main chick just assumes.”

And sure, there is a raw, unfiltered honesty in some side relationships. But let’s be real: is it really a win if you’re only getting the version of him that feels good—but not the full picture?

“If someone only brings you peace in the shadows, is it still love—or just comfort in hiding?”

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Final Thoughts: No Shame, Just Self-Check

At the end of the day, this post isn’t about who’s right or wrong—it’s about asking yourself what feels right for you.

If a sidechick situation worked for a season of your life, okay. But ask yourself:

• Is this still serving me?
• Is this what love looks like for me, or am I borrowing someone else’s definition?
• What would happen if I asked for more?

Sometimes, we settle for being someone’s “peace” because we don’t believe we’re worthy of being their priority.

Affirmation: I deserve love that doesn’t require me to hide to feel seen.

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Your Turn: Let’s Talk

What do you think about the “sidechick” conversation? Have you ever been in this position—knowingly or unknowingly? Do you think sidechicks are winning, or is it time we redefined what winning even means?

Sound off in the comments. And if you’ve been through it and grown from it, I’d love to hear your story.

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