For Romance or Finance

So I caught some flack for sharing in my last post that I’d signed up for a Sugar Daddy dating site. Imagine that.

I expected it wouldn’t be everybody’s cup of tea and I’m still okay with that. But I wasn’t expecting to receive the very personal influx of messages to my inbox and social media telling me that I should be ashamed & encouraging me to retract my statements and delete my post. I’ve never really understood how people can feel so personally invested in how someone else chooses to live their life, but I digress. The whole thing got me thinking about relationships, in general & the many reasons people choose to date or marry.

People enter into relationships for a lot of reasons, including:

for companionship
to signify a life-long commitment
to provide security for children
to make a public commitment to each other
for sex or physical intimacy
for legal status
for religious beliefs
for convenience
for LOVE

Aside from the reasons mentioned above, many people marry for financial security.

This isn’t a new concept, in fact it’s been documented throughout history. Back in the day, when women married for money, it was in the form of what is known as a dowry, land or money to a bride or her family, ect and this practice still exists today in some parts of the world. While speculation exists on when the tradition began, the custom dates back as early as the Roman Empire & terms of the dowry have changed over the years varying between cultures and religions. During the Ancient Greek period, it was the husband’s responsibility to offer such a gift (commonly referred to as a bride price) to his future wife’s family, as either a gift of good faith or an insurance policy for the marriage, in case she should decide to leave due to maltreatment. In other cultures, it was the reverse. The traditional dowry was an incentive given by the bride’s family in exchange for living expenses with her new family.

Modern-day customs of this sort are more aligned with what is seen in America as a wedding registry. For example, in parts of India, dowries may include monetary gifts, jewelry or appliances, pretty much anything of value that contributes to the newlywed couple establishing a household of their own. However, in countries such as Morocco, the dowry system has become more political as families prefer to negotiate the price to their benefit. If the families do not agree to the terms of the dowry, then the marriage could result in cancellation. Additionally, the dowry price for a female virgin is dramatically higher than say a woman of a particular age, a widow or a divorcee.

Going back to my original thought, if relationships are supposed to be mutually beneficial & both parties understand and agree to the terms of the relationship, why are arrangements like signing up for a sugar daddy dating site frowned upon? Given the fact that women often didn’t have a choice in these types of arrangements, why is it not seen as empowering when she does? Furthermore, why is there a double standard of it being acceptable when initiated by the man rather than the woman?

Relationships are established with the understanding that they’re give and take. Even in marriage, the idea is for partners to be helpmates to one another in some way. In the 1950s, when women married, it was understood that she would benefit financially with the expectation that she would contribute to the household in terms of childrearing, cooking, cleaning, ect. But now, women are more vocal about their views on relationships & not every woman desires to have children or to be married. Therefore, she should be free to love, free to marry and free to fuck whomever she chooses. Free of judgment whether she chooses for love or money.