I’m so tired of being a good girl. And before anybody gets all up in arms, let me preface this with saying that I’ve been a good girl my whole life.
I’m a 35-year old woman with no kids, good credit and a college degree. Even now, I go to school, work 2 GOOD jobs and write a blog. I’m active in my church & community, cook my ass off and get my hair & nails done on the regular. I practice yoga. I speak Spanish. And take time to pamper myself with pedicures, massages or sometimes a nice malbec. I’m faithful, sometimes to a fault. And my body count is low. I said all of this to say, that for all intents & purposes, I take care of myself. Likewise, this treatment is also extended to my man and I’d bet money that any one of my exes would agree. I’m sure they’d tell you that I was good to them. They’d say that I was faithful and how they never had to question my loyalty. They’d probably tell you that I was sweet and thoughtful and did little things that they took for granted & some things that no woman had ever done for them before. I’m sure they’d also remark about the side of me that they only saw behind closed doors, but I hope they’d be coy to disclose the many tricks I rolled out for them to keep things spicy. One thing I bet they won’t tell you, however, is why, after all of that, they slept on the good girl.
I’m seriously considering going on 30 dates in 30 days, just to see what happens. I’m so not trying to fall in love. I just wanna have fun. The last couple guys that I talked to told me that I was basically an old lady, because I don’t “go out”. And I mean, it was almost a slick diss. It had me thinking, “So now it’s a bad thing that I like to stay home?” Make up your mind. I mean, if I stayed running the streets, then that would be a problem. But now because I stay home every weekend, that’s a problem, too? As far as I’m concerned, I go out enough. With my job, I’m out working at a lot of public events during the week. If I’m not attending a comedy show @ Verizon, then I’m catching one of the stage performances @ The Rep or The Robinson Theater (I’ve already got my ticket to see The Barbershop Live & Dirty Dancing next month). I love trying new restaurants and wine bars. And most times, I can do this on weekdays & still be in the house by 10pm. That is my idea of going out. Now if you ask, when was the last time I was in a club, that’s another case. In real life? The last time I went to a club, was the night of the Power Ultra Lounge shooting. Albeit, I wasn’t in Power, I was actually at (what’s the club with the go-go dancers on Main?) Level? Yeah, that was my first & last time in Club Level. I almost went to Power, thinking it was still the same ambiance I knew it to be back when it was Lulav. But, that clearly wasn’t the case….
But getting back to 30 dates in 30 days. The goal for me is very simple- I want the power of choice. As I mentioned before, I’ve always been the committed-kind. Even if you weren’t committed to me. Even when I knew you weren’t committed to me. And while it hurt like hell, that’s just my makeup. This time, I want to try no commitments. No expectations. I just want to get to know people. Have fun. Find out what I like about a person. What I don’t like (nah, I think I’ve got that part covered, actually). I guess what I’m really saying is, I want options. I mean, I feel like I’ve been in situations where I was an option. Now, I want that power, if you will, to decide who I want, when I want. The difference in my experiment, however, will be that I’ll be forthcoming and upfront from the very beginning with my selections. I want to disclose that I’m not trying to get married, I’m not looking for a relationship, but I’m not opposed to one, either. But for these 30 days, what I want is companionship- someone I can talk to, laugh with. Someone who I know will be there to listen when I need to vent about my day. Because those things are important to me. There’s nothing more disheartening to a woman than when she’s having a bad day and wants nothing more than to talk but she hesitates to call because she knows you won’t answer the phone. That was like the nail in the coffin for me.
So ideally, I’d like to start this process March 1-31, which leaves me little time to prepare. But the other part of me is just like, do it! Because the more I think about it, the more I talk myself out of it. Where do I start? How do I go about this? I don’t even know 30 men! Laughing hysterically….
Okay girl, ready or not. JUST. DO IT. I mean, they don’t call you TheRealBlackCarrieBradshaw™ for nothing.