Here’s Why Women Fake It

In Season 2, episode 4 of Sex and the City, Miranda deals with a dating dilemma that I posed to my Facebook audience. The episode titled “They Shoot Single People, Don’t They?” combined laugh out loud moments along with the #TrueStory struggle of single women in the dating-sphere. The question I posted went something like this:

A recent blog I posted called The Female Orgasm: Explained, revealed a statistic from the 2010 Journal of Sex Research claiming that 50% of women faked an orgasm because an “orgasm was unlikely, they wanted sex to end, and they wanted to avoid negative consequences (e.g., hurting their partner’s feelings) and to obtain positive consequences (e.g., pleasing their partner),” reasons that also aligned with women who participated in my (informal) study. I am also in this number, but I admire those women of a different breed who claim to never have faked an O either because they didn’t need to (because the sex was that amazing) or because they’re brutally honest. #SAVAGE #ICouldNeva

I asked 40 women and these were their responses.

Lied about it yes, faked it no. I didn’t say it was good. But you know back in the day the little boys would ask “How many times did you cum?” And I would lie and say twice or some ish. I wouldn’t fake moan or anything just lie when asked so I wouldn’t bruise a man’s ego. Same as when they ask “How was it? Or Can you handle this?” And it’s a [shrimp emoji] 🍤 I still lie. I’m too nice. – Tiffany, 37

Yes, I’ll do so if I’m over the session and want him to finish and get off me. – Meredith, 45

Yes I have faked an orgasm, too many times in the past. Either to stroke someone’s ego or end terrible sex 🤣🤣 I’m not doing that shit anymore! – Amanda, 35

No, if it’s that bad I’ve always stopped them entirely. I can’t fake it, we should know what we’re doing 😆 – Jessica, 

I faked one, once, so it could just be over and done. I’m 43 but that happened in my 20s and since then I’ve never had to fake it. – Kathy, 43

Nope lol. I’m not that good of an actress. – Darcelle, 39

Yes, many times…. I feel it is a common issue with women. When it feels like I will not get there, and I know my partner is expecting it, I fake it, to get on with it. Sometimes you know it will not happen, and you just want to be done. – Charity, 41

Never have. Always knew how to give myself one since I was like 13. – Mariam, 48

I used to fake it so he would think I was close to finishing but the honest truth was ..I was no where close and I was tired of him thinking he was doing something special. – Cheryl, 43

Although it’s for good intent, I understand the logic of wanting your partner to learn how to please you. I’ve just never had the courage to tell someone I liked that I didn’t enjoy it because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings, but ultimately, being honest about what you want is in the best interest of both parties involved.

The Real Black Carrie Bradshaw

Yes. But I was younger. Never again. – Samira, 32

Yup, also guilty of this crime (when I want it to be over). – Janine, 36

Yes, and he was an amazing man, but sadly could not perform. Honestly it was the worst sex ever! – Tammy, 49

Yes, because I was over it and just wanted to be done. 🤷🏻‍♀️ – Jennifer R., 39

Yes, every time 😂 they don’t take the time to do the right things to get me there even if I tell them, so I just fake it to get it over with. – Katie, 25

Yes, to get it over with. – Sherese C., 56

More than once and with more than one partner. Sometimes because I’m bored and just want it to be done. Sometimes because he’s trying so hard but it’s a me issue about whatever is going on that day. – Lexi, 39

Yup, once because our relationship was almost expired and I was done with the drama and emotional rollercoaster. – Dallas, 38

Yes, I have faked MANY orgasms. Always because I was ready to stop having sex despite not yet climaxing and wanted to spare my partner’s ego. – Christina, 44

I’ve never faked it. I’ve also had very generous lovers. I also am not a casual sex person – I’m not sure if that has anything to do with it. I’ve figured that faking it won’t help us in the long run. – Laura, 38

I have because I felt bad for them or was over the sex but I stopped doing that when I learned how to take over my own orgasms during sex if they can’t get it done. – Aleiha, 40

Yes… to get it over with already, it’s not happening! To save his ego. To be nice. 🤣 But that was THEN. Never will I ever again. 💯❤️🤣 – Jennifer, 50

No. My moaning and groaning isn’t going to make me feel any better about his not being able to get me off. So he can get off of me. – Stephanie, 49

Never. They need to know if they’re doing a good job or not. Lol and yea I was never good at telling them what they need to do. I just knew if I let them believe it was super easy, then they will give the same half ass effort every time lol. – Elisa, 31

I’ve never faked or had a real one. – Ley, 34

No, my body gives too many signals to fake an orgasm. My leg starts to quiver. My breast nipples get erect. My arms get goosebumps. My heart is beating superfast. …any man with experience knows when a woman is satisfied. Knows when a woman is being fake in bed. – Delia, 50

Of course. I think most women have at some point just because it’s not good and we have other things we’d rather be doing. Thankfully my current FWB (friend with benefits) is sooo good that I don’t ever feel the need to take it. – Traci, age 50 and fabulous!

Oh heck yeah! And didn’t have my first actual orgasm until I was in my late 20’s and I gave it to myself lol. When I was younger I thought orgasm wasn’t possible for me so I would fake it so the poor guy didn’t feel like a failure. Thank God I know better now! Lol – Alli, 36

Too many times and now at 46 I refuse to ..I learned it serves no one in all honesty. Faking is like lying to not hurt ego or to just get something over with and both are bad reasons. – Shannon, 46

Not that I recall. The sounds I make are legit, but I won’t fake an O. It’s also challenging for me with just sex alone. – Nena, 36

No, never in my life. I feel like it really takes more work on my end and a damn good imagination. Lol. Then there’s honesty…I have no problem saying “it’s not going to happen” if I know I’m not going to get there. I also have no problem doing it myself if he insists on it happening. I’d much rather do that then fake it. I feel like men think it’s more about their own skills than our control over our body, concentration, and desire for it to happen. Own your body and your mind!- Lisa, 42

No, sorry I’m just not that nice….if it’s not good I have literally said can you hurry up so you can get off me 🙄 – Jen, 34

I never knew about orgasms until in my late 30s. When guys would ask the question I would say yes. Some would respond I didn’t feel it? [surprised face emoji] 😮. Now I just say I didn’t get one when they ask, because I know now what an orgasm feel like. – Melissa, 37

Yes, I lied because I was young at the time 😂😭 [because] I wanted him to think I enjoyed it. – Mia, 37

No I haven’t. – Michelle, 37

But I have stopped him because I FELT that he could NUT “fulfill” the MISSION! 😌 #ahtahtahtnojudging No faking and told him to get up as I pushed him off me. – Melanie, 41

Faked it many times. Men’s fragile egos can barely handle thinking that they didn’t get a girl off. – Katie S., 37

No that ain’t helping me lol. I just stay silent and stare 😑 he better switch it up lol. Seriously how will the sex get better if he doesn’t know it’s a problem. – Alexia, 29

Yes….faked it and never made it 🙅🏽‍♀️🙅🏽‍♀️🙅🏽‍♀️🙅🏽‍♀️. The sex was mostly always bad with my ex-partner (who swore he was the baddest thing between the sheets) and was not pleasurable most of the time so I faked it to get him excited so he would have an orgasm quicker and get it over with! – Lese, 44

Yes to be over with it 😂😂 – Christina, 39

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De’Jarnette K. Johnson is an author, blogger and owner of TheRealBlackCarrieBradshaw.com, a blog dedicated to love, life and relationships. De’Ja is a graduate of UA Little Rock with a Masters degree in Applied Communication with an emphasis on Interpersonal & Romantic relationships. Having completed her thesis on Ghosting, De’Ja has extensive knowledge on relational issues such as Attachment styles, Dark Triad personalities and Intrapersonal communication. She is also the creator of The Breakup Space, a 12-week program designed to help you cope with the loss of your relationship, manage your emotions and empower you to obtain the love that you deserve.

When she’s not writing, De’Ja enjoys public speaking, traveling and spending time with her family and two Yorkies. Her mission is to inspire the belief in love through faith, heartbreak and self-love. “I truly believe there is healing in the midst of heartbreak. I’m a living witness & I want to show the world how to take that pain & see it as a #Blessing.” To connect, visit  www.therealblackcarriebradshaw.com and Follow on social media platforms @TheRealBlackCarrieBradshaw.

The Real Black Carrie Bradshaw
The Real Black Carrie Bradshaw

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