How many times have we heard the phrase, “All men want is sex?” I don’t claim to know everything about men, but this is one thing I know is not true. Now don’t get me wrong, sex is very important in a relationship and it can even help bring couples closer together, but there’s something that is more important than sex, and it’s something that men have difficulty admitting.

It would benefit women to understand how men think. I read a great book by Dr. Louanne Brizendine where she explains that in a man’s world, everything is a competition. Men compete to get good jobs so they can make a lot of money to buy an expensive car to attract a beautiful woman. On the most basic level, men compete for the attention of women and that’s just the way it is. If a woman accepts a man’s advances, it’s a stroke to his ego, at the very least, but it’s also a form of acceptance. Of course, when a woman turns a man down (or vice versa) it’s not a good feeling. However, there’s a part of an equation that many women don’t realize about why sex is so important for a man.

What Men Really Want

Believe it or not, when a woman chooses a man, it does more than simply stimulate his groin, it actually creates a sense of confidence in him. And this is what men not only want, but it’s what they need. Men are expected to be strong, almost unbreakable, independent, and responsible, both at work and with their families. When everything in the world is coming unhinged around them, what they want more than anything is a safe haven, often in the arms of a woman they know loves and accepts them unconditionally.

But there is a caveat, here, in that some men need sex to feel secure. Here me out.

When you think about the act of sexual intercourse, it’s a deeply intimate experience. In most cases, a man literally enters inside of a woman. This has to be one of the greatest acts of trust (and, sometimes lust) for a man. It says to him that he is worthy of having a part of her body.

The aftermath of sex acts in similar ways to being under the influence of drugs and alcohol. In the afterglow of ecstasy, when you’re all high on endorphins and pheromones, we feel a sense of connection like none other. We feel secure. What men are really in search of is the security of that moment beyond orgasm, but the don’t always know how to express that. Men aren’t always rewarded for showing their vulnerabilities, but they want to. And when they find a woman who embraces them for exactly who they are, flaws and all, then they’re more likely to let their guards down and open up, creating the intimacy that they long for more than anything else.

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