How to Spot a Liar

In my experience, a person who is lying will exhibit telltale signs that trip them up. For starters, a person who is lying will say everything except the truth. Check out this top 10 list of responses that someone who is lying will typically use when confronted.

Please understand that when a woman asks you about an indiscretion, chances are she already knows (& has receipts). The reason she is asking, is to give you an opportunity to give your side of the story. Do yourself a favor & just tell the truth. 

  1. What? Followed by them repeating back what you just said. “Huh,” is a natural reaction to being caught off guard. It’s almost a reflex. The act of a simple utter such as, “huh,” “umm,” or “ah” can sometimes indicate deception.
  2. Where did you get that from? Who told you that? This is an actual attempt to get information from you, probably so they can unleash their wrath on the unsuspecting person who leaked the information to you. Nonetheless, it is often an instinctual response of someone who is caught off-guard.
  3. Why would I do that? A classic deflection. Answering a question with a question. This is a way to engage in conversation without copping to the truth.
  4. Do you really believe that? Gauging to see how serious you are about the issue. It’s strategic. If they feel they can continue to lie & convince you otherwise, then they will. But if they feel like you’re solid & moreover, have receipts, then they may be inclined to be forthcoming.
  5. Here you go. This is an attempt to turn the tables on you. They may say something like, “We were just having a good time,” then convince you it’s your fault that your relationship has issues. In true fabricator fashion, they’ll insist on talking about the problem later so you two can get back to having fun.
  6. I see you want to argue. Will try to convince you you’re trippin in hopes of making you feel bad or guilty enough to end the accusations. They’ll convince you that they’d rather not argue and would prefer to distract you with kisses.
  7. Believe what you want to. Liars believe if they refuse to address the lie, then it will go away. Good liars will dismiss your claims by sarcastically proclaiming, “Believe what you want.” They’re giving up at this point, but still not conceding to the truth. As a show of how much they care, be prepared for them to tell you how much they love you, but don’t expect an admission of wrongdoing. A liar will lie to the end.
  8. Are you serious right now? Deflecting, once again. Another attempt to avoid answering: Laughter. They often continue laughing, in hopes of making light of the situation. They want you to feel that your accusations are so ridiculous that it’s humorous, all the while, never admitting their guilt.
  9. What if I did? This is a psychological strategy to see how u feel and if there will be any consequences for their actions. This is also a true sign of narcissism.
  10. They will create a diversion. Oftentimes, when faced with truth, a person who is lying will get really upset & try to leave, breakup or threaten a breakup.

If a person becomes increasingly angry or defensive, it’s usually an attempt to turn the tables on you. They may say, “Well, you had no right going through my personal belongings, anyway.” It’s a deflection and they are angry that you did not “fall” for the lie. Liars tend to exhibit traits of Dark Triad personality and they believe themselves to be the exception to the rule. By not accepting the lie, you are calling them out and they fear their true nature has been exposed. The reality is, this truly disappoints them, but they would rather express anger than vulnerability because they equate showing their emotions with weakness. At the core of most narcs & machiavellis & sociopaths, is insecurity. These personality traits also suffer from an emotional deficiency or a lack of empathy.  

Also, pay attention to body language. Some people believe that if they don’t actually tell a lie with their mouth (or use words, verbally) then they can get off on a technicality. Individuals with a tendency to lie are usually convinced of their own falsehoods, some even convince themselves of the inaccuracies they create and convince themselves of a different version of events so they don’t feel convicted when they repeat the fabrication to others. In some cases, individuals craft a particular variation of a story or sequence of events, going so far as to manipulate the facts so that it fits their M.O. 

All in all. when confronting someone with an accusation, pay attention. Usually, liars will expose themselves.

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Holidate

I recently watched this Netflix rom-com and thought seriously about applying the concept to my real-life dating life.

The premise of the movie begins when Sloane, played by Emma Roberts, comes home for the Christmas holiday, fresh off a breakup and the pressures of her family during the Christmas holiday, specifically her mother who warns her that “no man wants to marry a smoker”. To make matters worse, her sister’s union is not one that welcomes the idea of marriage, meanwhile, her brother proposes to his girlfriend of only 3 months.

Inevitably, Sloane engages with a handsome Aussie named Jackson whom after she agrees to accompany to a swanky New Year’s Eve shindig, persuades her to make the one-time event, recurring for every holiday throughout the year. No pressure.

As like most holiday films, the magic of the season conquers the two and they profess their love for one another. And aside from the plot twist, I actually like the idea of this concept. Like, for real.

I couldn’t help but wonder how this could work in real life. I mean…could it? We all know cuffing season is in full effect around this time, but maybe, just maybe for people who are emotionally disciplined enough to handle the lack of intimacy, it could work.

I wonder about the logistics, though. Like, would you only talk leading up to the holiday or would you feel some sort of obligation to talk throughout the year? What if you had an amazing time on New Years and really wanted to talk to them? What about intimacy, especially on Valentine’s Day? Or is that the point of a holidate, not to feel the pressures of a real relationship, opting for a more relaxed dating experience.

What are your thoughts? Would you go to this extreme to avoid being the only single person in your circle?

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Maybe Your Picker is Broken

Tell me if this sounds familiar. You meet a guy. You start to date. And just when you think things are going well, he pumps the brakes or decides you two are better off as friends. If your relationships all seem to end up the same way, then it may be worth looking into what they all have in common: You.  Check out the following list to find out if your choice in mates is off & tips to fix your picker.

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He Keeps Calling So He Must Care. Right?

Wrong.

Don’t ever mistake a person calling you as them wanting to be you.

When I was in my 20s, I used to deal with a guy who would call me on & off over a period of time & ask to take me out. His inconsistency drove me crazy, but because I cared for him so much, I convinced myself that there must have been a reason he continued to call.

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It’s officially Cuffing Season

Meteorological fall begins September 1st and the first break of cool weather reminds us that cuffing season is upon us. It’s the time of year when “me” turns into “we” and your friends may have less time to spend gabbing on the phone than usual because they’re paired up with a hot new flame. And I’m not talking about the fireplace. 

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Good Girls Finish Last

You ever been in a relationship or “deal with” somebody for so long that it’s like you try to make them see how good of a person you are?
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That’s the case for most toxic relationships. You know you’re worth more than what you’re being given, yet, you continue to go along (sometimes above & beyond) to prove your worth. BE HONEST.

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What is the Dark Triad of Personality?

And how to avoid it like the plague that it is

Chances are, you’ve heard of narcissism (& by the slim chance that you haven’t check out my post here), but most of us have never heard the term Dark Triad. I’ll admit that I only ran across the term while researching communication behaviors for earning my Master’s degree. Coined by psychology researchers Delroy L. Paulhus and Kevin M. Williams in 2002, the term “Dark Triad” refers to a trio of negative personality traits—narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy—which share equally unappealing features. 

Continue reading “What is the Dark Triad of Personality?”