I’m trying so hard to be here

To be present

In this moment– In my body

But I’m as hollow as the burrows hidden between mountains

Fighting to hold in the tears

Not over you

But another attempt gone array

I’m so fucking lost, I really am

I just want to go to sleep

Near my phone and not awake until you call

The eternity that will never exist

The fix for my vice

Screaming expletives

Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck

I kinda want to scream until it hurts

Its only anxiety.

Is this really even about you? Yeah, but no.

It’s more to do with me.

I wanted… I needed to blame someone for my own disappointments

Mad at myself because I knew what it was

Nah, I should’ve known, but being the good guy

The eternal optimist.

Did I really risk a “happily ever after” for a “happy ending”?

Okay, I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore.

I just want to go home and get in bed and try this thing again tomorrow.

And you know, it’s really a fucking shame. I never planned on even liking the kid.

Now, I can’t get him off my mind….

Well at least he was honest about one thing. He said he was gonna fuck my mind & he did……………

-TheRealBlackCarrieBradshaw