I’m trying so hard to be here
To be present
In this moment– In my body
But I’m as hollow as the burrows hidden between mountains
Fighting to hold in the tears
Not over you
But another attempt gone array
I’m so fucking lost, I really am
I just want to go to sleep
Near my phone and not awake until you call
The eternity that will never exist
The fix for my vice
Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck
I kinda want to scream until it hurts
Its only anxiety.
Is this really even about you? Yeah, but no.
It’s more to do with me.
I wanted… I needed to blame someone for my own disappointments
Mad at myself because I knew what it was
Nah, I should’ve known, but being the good guy
The eternal optimist.
Did I really risk a “happily ever after” for a “happy ending”?
Okay, I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore.
I just want to go home and get in bed and try this thing again tomorrow.
And you know, it’s really a fucking shame. I never planned on even liking the kid.
Now, I can’t get him off my mind….
Well at least he was honest about one thing. He said he was gonna fuck my mind & he did……………