He looked like love. Talked like a partner. But in the end, all he ever loved… was his own reflection. If you’ve ever fallen for someone who seemed perfect until you realized they only had room for one person in the relationship—themselves—this one’s for you.

You ever meet a man who seems perfect on paper—but deep down, you know he’s only in love with himself?

Yeah. That part.

Narcissus might be a myth, but his spirit is alive and well in the dating pool.
He’s charming. Magnetic. Says all the right things. Mirrors everything you’ve been praying for. But it’s all surface. All performance. Because underneath the good morning texts and deep conversations, he’s not trying to build anything with you—he’s just in love with his own reflection.

I didn’t see it at first. I thought we had real chemistry. I thought he saw me.

But really? He just liked the way I made him feel. The attention. The admiration. The role I played in his story.

And when I stopped playing along? When I started asking for more depth, more honesty, more accountability—he disappeared.

Just like that.

If you are not familiar with the history of Narcissus, it may be worth doing a Google search of your time to find out more how the concept of narcissism originated (or you can check out my synopis of the story here).

Briefly, the story of Narcissus derived from the Greek mythological figure who was so was cursed to fall in love with himself after rejecting the love of a beautiful nymph known as Echo. Ultimately, Narcissus craves himself so deeply that he is incapable of loving anyone other than himself. Thus, the concept of narcissism was born.

Early ideas of the concept equated the attitude of a narcissistic person with someone who treats his own body the same way in which the body of a sexual object is treated— with touching, caressing and fondling. It is believed that they obtain satisfaction through these activities. For this reason, more recent studies have equated individuals with narcissistic traits to indulge in impulsive (and often compulsive) sexual acts with others.

I’ve done extensive reseach on communication and psychological theories pertaining to interpersonal and romantic relationships. Clinically defined, narcissism is a personality disorder often characterized by grandiosity, a lack of empathy for other people, and a need for admiration.

Signs of narcissism in relationships

Grandiosity. Often evident in their style of dress, choice of vehicle or simply their personality, narcissists are easily recognizable. Most often, they are “loud” whether it’s physically or metaphorically speaking. Because they crave attention, they often communicate in a way that attracts attention from others.

Lack of empathy. Because most narcs hold a sense of entitlement, it is hard for them to understand or share the feelings of others. For example, if you were to mention to your narcissitic lover that you had a bad day, they will likely respond with, “Damn, babe. I’m sorry to hear that.” But rarely will you hear a narc say something like, “What can I do to help?” The offer of “I’m sorry” is nice and a standard reply in most contexts, but it’s more of a reflexive response than anything else. The person who can empathize will likely follow with a more compassionate response such as, “I wish there was something I could do to help.” See the difference?

Need for admiration. While causes of narcissism are disputed, there is a ton of research that suggests the behavior is related in some regard to an individual’s self-esteem. Because of this, the narcissist relies the affirmation of others in order to maintain their (supply) positive self-image, all the while having genuine disregard for anyone other than themselves. For this reason, they they struggle to keep healthy relationships.

Doesn’t follow the rules. This goes back to the narcissist’s sense of entitlement. Because of their charismatic personalities, narcs are often able to acquire positions of status within the workplace. There are even studies which suggest narcissists are more likely to advance in the workplace due to their charm rather than their actual job performance. Because of their social rankings, narcissists have an uncanny ability to obtain preferiential treatment, which perpetuates their reasoning that rules are for other people, not them.

Of course, the previous mentioned are not an accurate assessment by which to formally diagnose a person but more so, the information presented here may help to recognize narcissistic behavior in someone you are dating.

Have you ever dated a man like this? Someone who seemed perfect until the mask slipped?
Let’s talk about it in the comments—or read more on how to spot emotional vampires before they drain you dry.

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