While a lot of our exes are great people who deserve nothing but the best, the majority of us probably have at least one relationship we totally regret. I wouldn’t say I’d rather do anything than date my ex again, but I would take my chances with Coronavirus before going back to his toxic ass. And that’s just a start. Here are 15 things I much rather do than ever take him back again.

1. Suck mayonnaise through a straw.
2. Fake my own death.
3. Shave off my eyebrows.
4. Count the strands of hair on my head.
5. Wear braces for 10 years.
6. Wax my own vagina.
7. Have hiccups for the rest of my life.
8. Sleep standing up for a week.
9. Kick rocks, no boulders, barefoot.
10. Memorize the entire privacy policy terms and agreements on Facebook.
11. Bleach my skin. With actual bleach.
12. Give up caffeine for the rest of my life.
13. Listen to Ole Town Rowe on repeat all day long.
14. Argue with an internet troll.
15. Learn algebra, Mandarin, and Portugese.