I’ve found myself in a bit of a rut since I got back home from my New Year’s holiday. And if I’m honest, it came as a bit of a surprise, especially considering that I haven’t gotten the New Year’s blues in a while, coupled with the fact that I had such an amazing time while I was gone.
On top of that, when I got back, I was kinda relieved to see that my office had encouraged remote working again due to the rise of COVID infections, so I felt less pressure having to get back in my routine and figured I’d welcome this change. I got back home on the first Sunday of the new year and it was a full 3 days before I left the house.
There I was, thinking a few days working from home would do me some good, when in fact, I logged feelings of anxiety, depression, and unmotivation on my FLO app everyday this week, except today.
Sometimes self-care looks like taking an entire fucking day, few days, or longer of doing nothing until you figure out what YOU want to do.
On one hand, I felt anxious because I didn’t have to see anyone face to face, but almost simultaneously depressed for the same reason. Then I started to feel the pressure of the overrated new year, new you mott and felt guilty for being home an entire week and not accomplishing anything productive. I hadn’t written one blog and barely logged onto social media, let alone posted consistently.
Then I realized something. So what? Sometimes selfcare looks like taking an entire fucking day, few days, or longer of doing nothing until you figure out what YOU want to do. So that’s what I did. What I’ve come to realize about myself, though, is that I’m someone who needs structure. I depend on a schedule (like going to work, even if it’s a job I don’t love for now) to give me a sense of urgency. Otherwise, I’ll sit up in my pajamas looking like Michael Myers by the head for a good portion of the day, consuming things both physically and emotionally that inevitably make me feel worse.
And just so you know…it’s okay if you didn’t wake up with a new attitude in the new year. Your behaviors and mindsets weren’t formed overnight so it’s unrealistic to expect change overnight…so give yourself grace. You’re doing just fine.
The moral of the story is that you don’t need a new year to start over. Sometimes, all you need is a new day. Hello Friday (or whatever it happens to be when you read this).
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This New Year’s Eve will be more than just a metaphor.