The Science of Adult Attachment: How It Can Help You ‘Secure’ Love

Love is a complicated thing. Sometimes we think we are in love when actually what we’re feeling is attachment. Attachment can be good, but attachment that causes pain and anxiety is anything but. In this blog post, you’ll learn about attachment styles and how they affect your relationships and why attachment style matters in adult romantic relationships.

Can Anxious and Avoidant Relationships Work?

The relationship duet is the dance of intimacy that couples do. One partner moves in, the other backs up. Partners may reverse roles, but always maintain a certain space between them. 

The dance is a draining, yet familiar one for all involved. But why do these couples even attract in the first place? What can you do when your avoidant partner pulls away? And can partners with such drastic attachment styles really work? The short answer is yes. But the secret of how these couples maintain is a bit more complex.

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Is Valentine’s Day Overrated?

Super Bowl Sunday is rapidly approaching, but February 14 is the Super Bowl for couples and one of the most commercialized “holidays” in the US. Yet, for many Americans, it’s no cause to celebrate. Studies have linked a variety of emotions to individuals around this holiday, from those in relationships who experience anxiety due to their attachment styles to people who over anticipate how they will feel about the day.

Both singles and couples agree that it adds, at least some degree of unnecessary stress, from dinner reservations to pressure to find the perfect gift for your sweetheart. However, there are some who still enjoy and actually celebrate the day. I asked 50 people (single, married and in a relationship) how they planned to observe the occasion and here’s what they had to say.

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Why Do Anxious and Avoidant Attachment Styles Attract?

Two people meet. One person shows interest in pursuing a relationship. The other person gets scared and runs for the hills. You’ve heard that story, right? It’s the classic cat and mouse game of the anxious-avoidant attachment styles of relationships? But of the primary attachment styles science has confirmed, Anxious, Avoidant, Fearful and Secure, why are polar opposites seemingly the most attracted to each other? And can these relationships actually work?

To understand the attraction, you must first understand a little bit about the theory of attachment and attachment systems. While there are a host of opinions, the primary concept of Attachment theory sets out to explain how our interactions with people affects our relationships over time & how we respond to intimacy. Most people are familiar with attachment styles, however, most people are unaware of the workings of attachment systems.

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