So cut the crap, D! WHAT DO YOU WANT? What do YOU really want? Not what do you believe? Or what you know. What do you want?
Ok, so just being honest here. I went ahead, against my first mind, & sent my “final” text message for “closure” (rolling eyes, lol) but a part of me is very relieved & satisfied. I feel like I’ve been putting way more….thought, energy & all of the above…into this & I know that if I want to feel better then I can CHOSE to feel better. And it really is that simple. Kinda.
It’s really helped, too. I haven’t even got the urge to look at my phone. Part of that is because, like I said, I don’t really want a phone call from him anyway. It’s like I just told mama yesterday about how I play the lottery now. I told her that I used to play this $500 scratch off all the time because I really wanted to win it. Then I won it. So now I don’t play it anymore because I’ve decided that I don’t want to win $500. I already won it. Now I want to win $250,000. So now I only play those (or higher) because that’s what I really want. Going back to this situation, what I really want is for him to be better, more honest & 100% in with me. And I want to be with him. But I want him to be good for me. I don’t want to be with him & he’s still got issues. So that’s where the conflict arises. My sister told me that if I took him back, then I have to take him back @ all or nothing, the good with the bad. And I don’t know if I’m willing to take that risk or not. Because it is a risk either way.