So long, 2019

This year was a big fucking bust for me!

I disappointed myself on so many levels. The way 2019 went, I’m not even pretending to make resolutions in 2020. It makes more sense for me to tell ya’ll WHAT I’M NOT ABOUT TO DO NEXT YEAR.

Continue reading “So long, 2019”

Fear of Success


Have you ever considered that you might be afraid of success?


Sounds crazy, huh? But I think this is exactly what I’m experiencing. In fact it’s what many of us fear. I once read an article that associated the fear of success to the arousal experienced during sexual trauma. I didn’t agree with that argument for more reasons than one although, the article gave a second reason as a precondition of “getting your hopes up” only to be disappointed. While I could see the logic in that, it still didn’t exactly resonate for what I was experiencing.

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I’d Rather Go Blind

Written by Ellington Jordan, Billy Foster

Performed by Etta James

Something told me that it was over, yeah
When I saw you and her talking

Something deep down in my soul said
“Cry, girl” cry, cry
When I saw you and her walking around

And I’d rather
I’d rather go blind boy
Than to see you walk away from me, chile no

So you see, I love you so much
That I don’t wanna watch you leave me, baby
Most of all I just don’t, I just don’t wanna be free, naw

I was just…I was just… I was just sitting here thinking
Of your kiss and your warm embrace, yea

When the reflection in the glass that I held to my lips now, baby,
Revealed the tears that was on my face, yeah

And Baby, baby, I’d rather, I’d rather be blind boy

Than to see you walk away, see you walk away from me

Sunday Service


cross_clouds.jpgI’m so glad I went to church today. Hell, I’m so glad I went anywhere at all today. Because yesterday I didn’t even leave the house. I intended to. Put on clothes, did my hair and everything. I even put on a swimsuit and opened the front door to go out there, then I changed my mind. As badly as I wanted to feel both the sun and the water on my skin at the same time, I wasn’t ready to be in the world. It’s a process for me. And some days, I just need to sit and deal with my feelings. And I feel like I did that yesterday. Continue reading “Sunday Service”

I Broke His Heart, For No Good Reason

So here I am thinking that Aiden and I are back together. I mean like, not officially, but definitely on the verge, especially since I’ve gone to see him a couple times and we’ve been talking more and I’ve retreated back to calling him “baby” vs. Aiden and the fact that we say I love you at the end of our conversations. I mean, right?

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