He Keeps Calling So He Must Care. Right?

Wrong.

Don’t ever mistake a person calling you as them wanting to be you.

When I was in my 20s, I used to deal with a guy who would call me on & off over a period of time & ask to take me out. His inconsistency drove me crazy, but because I cared for him so much, I convinced myself that there must have been a reason he continued to call.

Recently, I found myself in a similar situation with a man that I was supposed to be in a full relationship with who would disappear at the drop of a hat. For nearly two years, our on-again/off-again relationship continued and each time, with little or no resistance, I was willing to allow communication to continue with him. One day, I challenged myself with the possibility of reasons why this man was consistent with the one thing that drove me absolutely insane. Turns out, he wasn’t as inconsistent as I believed him to be. In fact, he was 100% consistent in doing the one thing that I couldn’t stand – letting me down. 

During my relationship with him, I talked about accountability, alot, because I wanted him to own up to his shit. Then one day it hit me, I had to hold myself to the same standards by which I was holding him. 


Do you ever stop & really think about what it is that you LOVE person in the first place. I don’t mean their potential. And I don’t mean generic shit, like “He really is a good person.” I mean, what have they done (for you) that makes them such a catch? Have they gone out of their way, I mean really gone out of their way to do something nice for you? Have they treated you exceptionally well? Did they actually do something to sweep you off your feet that no one had ever done for you before? What is it about him anyway? My guess is probably not. And if they did, are they still consistent in the behavior that won you in the beginning? In reality, it was probably you who was going above & beyond to do nice things for them, to make them see your worth.


If I’m honest, I can’t say mine was just the world’s best boyfriend! I think it was probably more the thrill of the chase. I think I wanted him to see me in a certain way, to see me as being different… the sad truth is, I wanted to be the woman that he was willing to settle down for. And that was the whole problem. Men don’t change for women. They change when they’re ready to be a better man for themselves.

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