So Much for Vacation

We all deserve a break sometime…

Every now & then, it’s good to take a step back from everything. I think the last thing I shared with you guys was that I managed to pull in a 4.0 GPA in my graduate studies while working, full-time, part-time & as a part-time grad assistant on a research project, outside of the “ghosting” research I’m doing for my own Master’s defense & that I needed a much needed vacation. While the idea of family vacation sounds like a good idea in theory, I don’t know why I keep convincing myself to go on family vacays every year. I’m not built for that shit.

I love my family, but sometimes, my family exhausts me. What was supposed to be an oasis of relaxation turned into anything but. Weeks leading up to Memorial Day weekend, I dreamed of an escape where I would do nothing but lay on the beach & read a good book & then go back to my hotel room & read some more. All I wanted to eat some amazing sea food & soak up the sun while wading in the water. And I did…well, kind of.


So here’s the thing, so I don’t sound like my family vacation was totally fucked up on account of my family, lol. I kinda sorta rescued 2 senior Yorkie dogs a couple weeks ago (totally on a whim) & I’ve been absolutely obsessed with them. It’s like, I’m a new mother & my life has been consumed with the responsibilities that come along with adopting child pets. On one hand, they’ve brought me so much joy. On the other hand, I feel like, “it’s not just me anymore” & everything I do, I have to consider them. It’s scary as shit because this is the whole reason I don’t have kids.

So needless to say, my social media activity has taken a back seat. It was my truest intent to schedule content while I was on vacation, but the truth is, I didn’t even pack a single thing until the night before I left & in true fashion, I packed waaaay more shit than I ever could have worn. But anyways, taking time away from social media always gives me clarity.

I feel like, people put way too much energy into social media. Sometimes, I put way too much energy into social media. While I was on vacation, I almost felt “compelled” to post something, just for the sake of posting. Like, “Oh, I’m here in this fabulous place, let me take a pic…” Fuck it. I decided that rather than post, I’d actually be present. I had to check myself & ask, “Okay, why are you really posting?” On one hand, for a blogger, such as myself, I feel pressure to post, to engage & stay relevant. Out of sight, out of mind (which is evident by my MASSIVE decrease in my analytics this week, ouch!). But I had to remind myself this week, that my happiness isn’t & shouldn’t be measured by the approval of my friends/followers. But then, isn’t that the whole fucking fucked up psychology behind social media, anyway? To play on your happiness by the approval (likes) of other people?

As I laid on that beach, which was pretty close to paradise, I couldn’t help but wonder…how much does social media affect our social realities?


-The Real Black Carrie Bradshaw

In Full Bloom

My mother has always had a green thumb. When I was a kid, I loved being in the yard with her at the first sign of spring planting buds in her flower bed. For the petite woman she was, my mother had no problem pulling up weeds and hedging the bushes on any given Saturday afternoon. You would think I would’ve inherited this crafty skill, but not so. While I enjoyed spending time with my mom running through the sprinklers after she mowed the lawn, putting in the work was never my strong suit.

As I got older, it seems as though my mother was subconsciously trying to pass this trait on to me. Last year for Mother’s day, she got me yet another potted plant, as if I didn’t still have the empty ceramic dish from the last one she bought me that I fatally neglected. “It’s a hosta fragrant, DeJ,” she insisted, “Those are hard to kill.”

In the “white room” of her home, it’s practically a nursery. She has greenery for days. Vines and blooms like you’ve never seen before. Aside from the empty vase that once contained flowers I got for Valentine’s day, my home is also aligned with beautiful flowers, albeit they’re all artificial. And I prefer it that way. I barely have time to nurture things I do care about in life, let alone some…potted plant that’s bound to die, anyway.

“Kaye got a new bloom, I noticed,” she called me one day to declare of the plant she so lovingly named after herself. “It’s like whenever I’m coming out of my struggle, DeJ, she gives me a sign that something new is in bloom,” she continued. My mother has always been one for symbolism, so perhaps, this is where I get it from.

Gardening tips aside, I love the symbolism that springtime brings, too. Especially lately since I’ve been in somewhat of a slump. This week, I decided to do some spring cleaning. I’ve always felt like decluttering my home helped declutter my thoughts. After tackling my 2 biggest obstacles, my kitchen & my closet, I decided to give my fireplace one last cleaning of the season. As I gathered up the firewood to take to my outside storage, I stumbled upon the hosta plant that my mother gave to me last year. “Since I’m going outside anyway, I may as well put it out too,” I declared of the plant.

The next day, I made somewhat of a comeback to social media after a bit of a hiatus to clear my head. I explained how I’d hit a roadblock & needed time to reset. Before getting in bed that night, I closed the blinds to my patio doors & noticed a small shadow on the porch. When I went to investigate it further, I noticed it was leaf that had sprouted overnight. It reminded me of something my mother said, “Those are hard to kill.” And it gave me hope.

Don’t be jealous of the rose. You’re a hosta fragrant bouquet who, despite being deprived of sunlight & water, refused to die but instead decided to bloom. And after all, roses come by the dozen.

-TheRealBlackCarrieBradshaw

My actual hosta plant.