Before jumping into a serious relationship, it’s important to take a moment and reflect. Not just on how you feel, but on what you truly need and want from a partnership. Relationships require more than chemistry; they also need alignment, communication, and a shared vision for the future.

In this post, I’m sharing 25 essential questions to ask before you get serious. These questions go beyond the basics. They dive deep into compatibility, values, and long-term goals. They help you ensure that you’re entering a relationship that’s built to last. Whether you’re casually dating or ready to commit, these questions will help you both get on the same page and make informed decisions about your future together.

1. What does marriage mean to you, and what do you envision it looking like in your life?
   This question helps you understand their perspective on the purpose of marriage and whether your visions of it align.
2. How would you feel if your partner felt they should manage ALL the household money & make all the major financial decisions?
3. How would you like your partner to express their love for you?
4. Do you both plan to live in the same city for the rest of your life? Or would moving be an option if one person got a great opportunity?
5. What are your non-negotiables in a marriage, and how would you handle conflicts that challenge those boundaries?
   This question gives insight into their core values and how they approach potential challenges in a long-term commitment.
6. Is it a requirement for your SO to attend worship services with you on a regular basis?
7. If you both have strong religious backgrounds, how do you decide who’s church to attend as a couple?
8. How would you handle if your SO’s ideas on religion changed after you were married?
9. How has your parent’s marriage affected the way you view relationships?
10. How do you feel about finances in a marriage—should we keep everything shared, or maintain some financial independence? Money can be a major source of stress in relationships, so it’s key to understand each other’s views on joint vs. separate finances.
11. What are your thoughts on “traditional” gender roles in a relationship? What do these roles look like?
12. You don’t have the budget for a wedding and a honeymoon. Which is more important?
13. Your BF’s homeboy gets drunk & insists that your man is doing you wrong. He confesses that you need a “real” man like him. In his drunken stupor, he confirms a suspicion with another woman that only you and your BF would know about. What’s your next move?
14. Do you know your love language?
15. Should a couple live together (no separate apartments on the side) completely before living together? If so, how long before the discussion of marriage is on the table?
16. How would you handle things if your partner stopped courting, dating or pursuing you after you were married?
17. What makes you feel “close” to someone?
18. What type of emotional support do you want from a partner?
19. Excluding health & wealth, name 2 things that bring you happiness?
20. What’s more important to you? Someone who listens to your problems or someone who demonstrates a willingness to fix the problem?
21. Would you rather be desired by your partner or needed?
22. Would you rather have someone there all the time or do you just want someone who will show up when you need them?
23. Do you think you’ll have more traditional ideas of marriage or make up your own rules? [See next question]
24. How would you feel if your partner wanted 2 days per month off from the marriage?
25. If a family member whose opinion you valued didn’t approve of your fiance, would you reconsider marrying that person?

Committing to a relationship is a big step, and taking the time to ask these important questions can help you make sure you’re on the right path. Remember, a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, understanding, and shared goals. Don’t rush the process—take the time you need to ensure that you and your partner are aligned, not just in the present but for the future as well. By being honest with yourself and each other, you’ll set the stage for a deeper, more fulfilling connection. So, take these questions to heart and move forward with clarity and confidence. Your best relationship starts with understanding what truly matters.