Your Perception Is Your Reality

“Sometimes words left unspoken are the ones that hurt the most.” -TheRealBlackCarrieBradshawIMG_20160211_131629

Most people will agree with me. Others won’t. Either way is fine, I’m just sayin….

At this point, I’m not sure who’s writing this post, me or the Green Apple Circoc, lol.

So, I’ve stopped counting the days since Aiden and I last talked. I’ll admit that I’ve been holding out hope all week that I’d hear from him (and by “hear from him,” I mean him calling). I’ve gone back and forth for days, weeks and eternity on whether or not I should call him. Each time, apparent in the idea that I should leave well enough alone, as I haven’t bothered to dial his digits. But, actually, I have…. Can I be honest? I know all too well about that “No Response” game. I invented it. Whenever someone is not responding to you, that’s their nice way of telling you to “kick rocks” or at least that’s always been the underlying message when I’ve ignored people….

In relationships, I always try to see things from both people’s perspective. And while I may not have that art mastered yet, I do try to put myself in the other person’s shoes, the same way I have with Aiden, Big and every other guy I’ve ever loved. And as bad as I want to talk to Aiden every single day, I refuse to call him. I refuse to text. I even resist the urge to look on his social media pages to see what’s going on in his world. For all I know, he could be dead and I wouldn’t know it…… And then I think, that’s not fair. That’s not love. I used to like the fact that I could say that I don’t play games and I don’t have time for that. When the reality is that my pride gets in the way every time. #TheTruthIs….

Truth: I could be out on dates
Reality: I'm not

Truth: I’m gonna wait for you
Reality: I’m not gonna wait forever

Truth: I could’ve talked to him if I wanted to
Reality: I didn’t even want to
Truth: I WANT you (to call)
Reality: More than that, I want you (to care)

Truth: I wanted to sleep with him
Reality: I didn’t sleep with him

Truth: I think about calling you every day
Reality: My pride won’t let me

The truth may be that you love me and think of me, too. But my perception says otherwise. Sometimes, I write these posts just for you. But the truth is, you may never know.

 

#TheRealBlackCarrieBradshaw

 

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