(Don’t) Follow Your Heart

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The best love advice you’ll ever receive, I promise

Can I let you guys in one tip that can instantly improve and/or save your relationship? Communication. It is, in my opinion, the #1 single most important factor in any relationship. Not only is it essential for expressing your feelings, it’s also the life-line for any successful relationship. In a day and age of overexposure and overshare, via social media, blogs, texting, screenshots and so on, it seems that the #1 component of relationships is missing: Discretion. I know when you’re in love and getting bomb D, you want to proclaim that ish to tha world, but everything is not for everybody. #UThinkUKnw #UHaveNoIdea #UKnwWhatITellU

Tip # 1:

Never talk down on your man to anyone. Period. Now ladies, we are all guilty of this at one point or another. And I understand that we sometimes feel the need to vent our relationship woes to our girlfriends. And we don’t do this with malicious intent, but simply to get it off our chests and more so to bond. However, the implications of this seemingly harmless ritual holds grave implications. From personal experience, on both ends, I’ve experienced the negative impact that this has on not only your relationship with your man, but also with your friends. I remember being in college when my best friend at the time was dating a guy that she constantly had problems with and she would always tell me about his infidelities and short comings. We’d both bad talk him and conclude together that “he ain’t shit” and she needs to leave him alone, only for them to reconcile the following week after he comes back with some half-ass apology. She and I continued this cycle for years until one day we got into a heated argument about her giving him another chance that resulted in me explaining to her that it would probably be best if she and I didn’t talk about him anymore. I wanted her to know that as much as I loved our bond and being able to talk about anything, that this particular relationship may need to be off the agenda of things to talk about going forward. I explained to her that she is my friend and my loyalty is with her. I continued that as much as I want to see her happy, it bothered me that my perception of the man she loved was a negative image that she’d portrayed, and that while she loves him and is willing to forgive him, I love her and am not so forgiving of the asshole. After all, if he did you that wrong, then why would you take him back? That’s the danger of talking bad about your man to your friends. I don’t care how tight ya’ll are and it doesn’t matter if it’s your best friend, your sister or your mother! When you decide to take that man back, best believe that the sidebar conversation behind your back is going to be about how he did you wrong. That’s just how the game goes…

Tip # 2:

Never talk too highly of your man (to your girlfriends). I know that sounds contradictory, but it’s true. Don’t get me wrong, when you have a good man, you want the world to know it. And don’t misinterpret what I’m saying. By all means, give your man credit for being the great man that he’s proven himself to be to you. But I’ve always heard that when you talk too good about what you have, there’s bound to be someone who wants to find out firsthand. Luckily, I don’t feel like I have to worry about that with my personal circle of friends, but I’m just saying. There are some women who are triflin’ enough to try it. By the same token, you also run the risk of slick jealousy from your so called-friends. Everybody that pretends to be happy for you, ain’t always happy (a lot of the time in their own…situation) and therefore they can’t be genuinely happy for you.

Tip # 3:

Your mom and your man are not BFFs. Now it’s one thing for the two people that you love to like/love each other, but there is a limit that should not be crossed. The same rules apply to girlfriends befriending their boyfriend’s mothers as well. It’s one thing for the two to have a good relationship, even talk/text on holidays and what not, maybe the occasional hello, but ya’ll don’t need to be following each other on social media. #NoShade #IJS. In my opinion, that gives room for involving “in-laws” in our business. I’ll give you an example of what I mean. If me and my man are on bad terms, and I haven’t told my mother about what’s going on, then I don’t expect her to be informed by my man. It’s rules to this and that is definitely outside the G-code. So when in doubt, refer back to rule #1. Discretion is everything.

For the preview to this post, please visit my article published on the Odyssey at http://theodysseyonline.com/arkansas-little-rock/the-best-love-advice-youll-ever-receive-promise/310209