After my incredible first date on March 1, I was literally exhausted, like utterly drained, physically & emotionally. Not even just from the day before, I mean even though it was a long day (& an even longer night) it was just everything leading up to that day that had me emotionally drained- even just getting prepared, mentally, to go through with this whole experience.
On top of the fact that it was a really good time and aside from the fact that I was debating calling the whole thing off, I was also tired. And even though I had dates lined up for Friday and Saturday, I gracefully bowed out. Actually, it may have been because I was secretly hoping to reconnect with Him or that maybe we would pick back up from that point, which obviously didn’t happen. So by the time Sunday got here, I’m still reeling off the other night & going on about how much “we” enjoyed ourselves that I planned on “us” going out Sunday night. No, we didn’t agree to go together (she laughs), as I stated, I made plans for us to go. By the time Sunday got here, the evening of the event and I hadn’t heard anything from him, I got extremely disappointed- just like I did the very first time he ghosted me. At that moment, I kinda picked myself up by the boot straps and said out loud, “Get your ass up and go on some dates.”
Monday, I still gave myself another pass because over the weekend, I didn’t actively seek any dates so I didn’t have anything lined up. And I’m not going to lie, a part of me was still, secretly, hoping that he would call. Tuesday morning, I woke up with an epiphany. Actually, I woke up horny & got mad because I had to masturbate to him again so then I watched a YouTube video that crystallized everything for me that was my situation- that was my reality. And it made me mad all over again. But it also made me realize that this is what it is and at that moment, 8, 9 o’clock in the morning, I realized it and I accepted it. And I decided that this was NOT how this was gonna go down. I realized that I was in a unique situation where I had people depending on me to finish this challenge of #30Datesin30Days. And I know that may sound crazy, but that’s really how I felt. Like, I mean, I had people who I didn’t even know paid attention to me on social media asking me in the streets, asking me in my DMS, asking me at church- yes, hunny, at church- how the dates were going! I mean, I felt so much love & support from all these women who were championing my cause and wanted to see me win (or go on some dates, at the very least). So I decided that was what I was going to do. I didn’t know how or who it was going to happen with but I just told myself that I gotta start going on some dates and I have to be active in this process because my reality was what it was (as far as that guy was concerned).
I had started making plans, doing some legwork like the 3 days leading up to March 1. I reached out to a couple of my guy friends and just people that I knew… I also reached out to a guy that I work with and asked him if he wanted to have lunch. And when I asked him, I kinda felt like he was blowing me off because he literally told me that he was “really busy” that week and that we could probably do it the following week. I didn’t really expect to hear back from him though, but low and behold, Tuesday morning, he emailed me and asked if I wanted to have lunch with him? Even then, I was reluctant. In fact, I almost said no and thought of making up some excuse. It was only when I literally couldn’t think of one good reason to email him back with that I said yes. “Okay, is this a date?” I thought to myself. “Okay,” I continued, “we’re gonna do this”. And so we did. She laughed.
That’s what sparked the post I made to Facebook on Tuesday that referenced something #VeryRefreshing and right on time. It was absolutely what I needed. And it seems to me, just within the first week, that as soon as I open myself up to this process, it happens. So yeah. As it stands, I don’t have dates lined up for the week. I mean, I have a few contacts in my phone that I could call, but I’m still just a little apprehensive about this whole ordeal so I’m trying to ease into it. And I have to start somewhere. Today was a really good start.
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