I feel stupid. For introducing him to my mother & having her give the “son-in-law” title to another failed relationship of mine. And I feel bad for her now, too, because she was so happy for me & she really liked him.

I feel dumb for claiming him to my girls, people in my office & anyone who would listen.

OF ALL THE WOMEN IN THE WORLD, YOU HAD TO GO & BREAK HER HEART.

I felt like it was too good to be true but it was soooooooo good that it had to be true.

Some moments I’m like, “Okay girl, you just can’t talk to him anymore. Period. You’ve gotta give it up.” And the next minute, I’m like, “Okay, if he calls, then I’m at least willing to hear what he has to say.” Then I’m like, “I don’t even care anymore. I just want him back.” But do I really? And at what cost? Do you really want him because you’re in love & can’t see your life without him? Or do you just want to save face? Sometimes, if I’m honest, I’m like, he was more of a liability to me than an asset. I’ve not only put my emotional well-being in jeopardy but my physical health as well. I’m not proud to admit it but we’ve had unprotected sex since Day 1 & if it was that way with me, then……I can’t help but think that wasn’t his first time going that route. And he could say the same for me, but I know better. Not only that, but I mean…..he was driving my car. When he messed up & got a money order instead of a cashier’s check, it was me running around trying to fix it. And yea, he let me borrow money when my car was jammed up but I paid him back plus put $300 on my credit card to rent him a car for the weekend. $300 which I’m sure is lost as a “gift” now, not to mention the extra shit that I bought for him just because I wanted to. I just feel like, there were things I overlooked in the relationship, for whatever reason, like his irresponsibility & lackadaisical outlook look on things that are important to me, like, going to church, getting to work ON TIME, picking someone up on time if you’re driving their car. Taking someone back they’re keys before you go pick up your food that you haven’t even ordered yet- especially when it’s their KEYS! Even his side hustle, you know, the one thing in this world that I knew he was passionate about – the way he talked about showing up late, just like “Oh well, I get there when I get there.” Just very cavalier about things. It always made me wonder, what does he care about? And also, if that’s the one thing in this world that I do believe you love, how comfortable you’ve gotten to have it that you’d be so careless with it. *Shrugs shoulders*

2 Corinthians 6:14

-TheRealBlackCarrieBradshaw