Love. Sex. And Relationships.

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You can only do a woman wrong so many times before she starts to look at you differently, physically, I mean. You can be fine as hell, but after you’ve hurt me so many times, you start to become less attractive to me. It’s like, now when I look at you, I see your character instead of the physical features that once attracted me to you.
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The Real Black Carrie Bradshaw

Love. Sex. And Relationships.

Idk if it’s bc I’ve been seeing what may or may not be subliminal/cryptic posts on here or if it’s just me, but I feel like this year, WOMEN HAVE FOUND THEIR STRENGTH & finally declared enough is enough.
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You know, it’s one thing to see the posts at the beginning of the year that say we’re “Starting over” but it’s another to see the journey to “Done”. I just feel like there’s been a shift & women have finally decided to (1) Stop allowing bad behavior (2) Stop accepting apologies without actions and (3) Turning a blind eye & staying quiet.
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I am so proud of my sisters & even proud of myself for having the courage to put yourSELF first. Because ending a relationship takes courage – no matter how toxic it is, it feels like you’re losing something by letting them go.

The Real Black Carrie Bradshaw

What is it about Him?

I dare you to ask yourself this question: What is it about him that you just can’t get over? I mean, really…
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Has he done some above and beyond shit for you? Has he even done the same shit for you that you’ve done for him? For example, like on your birthday or Christmas, ect… Has he even matched your effort for trying to make the relationship work?
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I’m not talking about his “potential” or some general shit like, “He really is a good person, though.” Honestly, what quality about him made you fall in love? I’d even go so far as to challenge you to name 2 additional qualities about him that you admire — qualities that are important in a relationship not for a job duty.
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Now think about this. What are you really losing by not having him? I’ll tell you. I’m sure you’ve lost sleep. You’ve lost time. Wasted energy. And peace of mind. But think of this way, if you let him go, you could be losing a bad habit. And someone who’s draining you from the energy to be happy and find real love. And in that case, you have something to gain.
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Quite frankly, how can you even be sad about losing something that didn’t even belong to you?
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What are your thoughts? Why is it so hard to let go even when you know the relationship is toxic? Have you ever held on way too long? What was the final straw for you? Leave your comments below.

The Real Black Carrie Bradshaw

#NationalBoyfriendDay


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I’m the type of woman who wants to ensure her man knows everyday that he’s loved and appreciated. So when holidays such as Valentines or today, #NationalBoyfriendDay, come around, it’s a chance for me to go all out.
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I’m such a hopeles romantic. And my love language, according to Gary Chapman, is one who expresses love through acts of service. I’m a (people) pleaser so for me, expressing my love often manifests through my giving — gifts, surprises (sometimes small & sometimes over the top) and overall making sure my man is stress-free. I love to cook and serve my man. And I ALWAYS want to look good for him. It’s important to me to always be the girl he fell for.
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I’ve surprised my man with surprise dates, couples massages or a quiet night in a hotel suite, complete with rose petals and champagne. And hell, in most instances, it turns out to be a gift for us both!
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What are your thoughts? Will you be participating in #NationalBoyfriendDay? What if he’s not officially your boyfriend, will you celebrate your #Bae/#Boo? Let me know your plans.

The Best Place to Cry

You ever been through a really bad break up and find yourself crying in some of the strangest places? For me, it’s in the car & it usually starts either because of a song on the radio or because I’m driving in absolute silence & alone with my thoughts.
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I kinda use my car as a place of refuge. Typically after a long day of work I get in my car and I don’t wanna hear anything. My commute home is typically a time that I use to decompress from my day. Then once I’m home that’s my place of solitude & because I like a certain aura in my home, I cry in my car.
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Crying in my car serves one major benefit for me. It gives me a time limit. See, if I go home & cry, then I’ll cry all night, soiling my pillows & reminding myself for the rest of the evening how sad I am. But if I cry in the car then I understand that there’s only so many tears that I can cry. For me it symbolizes that I’m allowing myself to cry… but not forever. It’s a balance between honoring what I feel but choosing not to remain there.
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This is just my process and it may not work for everyone. I’m curious to know your thoughts.
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After a break up where is the best place to cry?

10 WAYS TO TELL IF YOU’RE IN A REAL RELATIONSHIP

1. YOU’VE MET HIS MOTHER & he introduced you as his girlfriend vs you met his mother because ya’ll go to church together, grew up together or she knows your mama.

2. YOU KNOW HIS BEST FRIEND and his best friend knows you are his girlfriend.

3. YOU HAVE THINGS AT HIS PLACE. This is things you actually need & use like hair products, makeup, toiletries, ect & they’re in the same spot whenever you visit vs thrown away, hidden in a closet or pushed to back of the cabinet bc you’re not there enough anyway for him to keep your stuff around.

4. HE CALLS YOU HIS GIRLFRIEND in front of people vs just when the two of you are alone.

5. HE SAYS “I LOVE YOU” when ya’ll get off the phone or he says it back vs you say it & pretend like you don’t care if he doesn’t say it back.

6. HE CLAIMS TO HAVE A GIRLFRIEND period. Whether he’s claiming you or not, if he’s even making it known on social media or when people ask him if he’s in a relationship means that he’s making it clear that he’s off the market.

7. HE STAYS OVER THE NEXT DAY after ya’ll have sex to spend the day with you vs he leaves in the morning, even on Sundays when ain’t nobody gotta be at work.

8. YA’LL ARE TOGETHER ON HOLIDAYS period. Major holidays include New Years Eve, Valentines & Birthdays (his & yours). If ya’ll were together @ the stroke of midnight on NYE, if he actually bought you a gift on said holiday or if he’s willing to come meet your family on Thanksgiving (or vice versa), then ya’ll might be kinda solid.

9. HE’S FUCKS WITH YOUR KIDS vs he goes straight to your bedroom & closes the door when he comes over your house. If your kids haven’t been around him, like in a car going somewhere like out to eat, then he not fuckin with you. Same thing for his kids, if he’s not letting you be around them like that, its because YOU not finna be around like that.

10. IF HIS PHONE STAYS FACE DOWN, then it’s a man down. Call his phone just to see whether it rings or not. If his phone is down on more than one occasion, then he don’t want you to see that hotline bling.

11. IF YOU SEE HIM OUT IN PUBLIC, say at a restaurant & you have to text/call him from your car to see where he is/what he’s doing vs going in like “Hey babe, gimme kiss, wyd?”….. If you sit in your car & wait until he comes out bc you think he might be there with somebody…..you know the rest.

-TheRealBlackCarrieBradshaw

Worse than a Breakup

Imagine going through the most devastating time of your life, whether it’s the worst breakup you’ve experienced, maybe a divorce or loss of someone you love…whatever it may be. Then imagine God commanding everyone in the world to literally drop all their problems on the ground. He counts down from 3-2-1 and declares, “Everyone pick up your problems.” You scramble through sickness and disease, stage 4 cancer, the death of a child, homelessness, a lost limb… and your problems are nowhere to be found because someone was happy to take on your problems rather than their own.
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This was a joke I heard told by Mike Epps. Let this serve as a reminder that instead of focusing on what’s wrong, we should be grateful what’s right. The things we worry with, as hard as it may for us at the time, could ALWAYS be worse… This is the day that the Lord made, REJOICE… -Psalms 118:24

The Real Black Carrie Bradshaw

Do Women Make it Easy for Men to Cheat?

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Please allow me to give context to this question.
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My mother & I had a conversation where she told me that because women have the tendency to fight for love & marriage, in particular, that men use this as leverage when it comes to cheating. Sometimes it’s to “save face,” sometimes it’s because we’re so invested that we refuse to let the other woman “win” & sometimes it is because it’s bigger than just “us” if there are children involved. My mother said that men understand that women will “get mad” for a while, but then she’ll “get over it” if he apologizes & displays “good behavior”. I had to wonder if men really thought this way…and does that make it easier for a man to cheat?
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The Real Black Carrie Bradshaw

The Source of Happiness

From time to time, we experience periods of unhappiness. Some may even be severe enough to be classified as bouts of depression. I know, personally, how difficult this can be to navigate & pick yourself up out of. Recently, I went through a moment where I couldn’t figure out why I was “down”. During that time, I also began to try & figure out my source of happiness.
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It was important to me to identify my sources of happiness without automatically going to a relational partner, that was too easy. Also, it made me feel like I was putting someone else in control of my happiness, besides that, “what happens when they’re no longer around?”
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Although, when I truly thought about it, there were obvious people who do fill my life with happiness: my family, my friends & my dogs. But I was still in search of something more. As much as I’d like to avoid the idea, even the ones I love the most aren’t going to be around forever.
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I challenged myself to complete the following statement:
I am happy when..
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Sheesh, how intimidating, I thought. I mean, I really had to get still & think this out. Naturally, my mind went to some exotic location like Bora Bora, basking in the sun & sand alongside blue waters. Unfortunately, that’s not my everyday reality. In answering this question, I needed something practical & within reach that I could attain every day.
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I’ve got it! I am happy when I’m creating.
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Writing words. Creating content. Engaging ideas. So I opened up my computer & wrote this post. And I’ve got to tell you, it felt damn good. It felt just like home.
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So what is it for you? I challenge you to identify your source of happiness & then DO MORE of what makes you happy.
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The Real Black Carrie Bradshaw

Taking a Break

Sometimes, taking a break from your relationship/situationship is the best thing to do. One of two things will happen. Either you’ll discover a peace without all the bullshit they’ve dropped in your life OR how find out much you miss them.
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Furthermore, taking a break from someone might just show YOU how the other person feels. Go a day without calling or texting your boo & just see how long it takes before he hits your line. If one or two days can turn into a week then chances are, you’re not on his mind. He may care about you but he doesn’t care ENOUGH.
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If absence makes the heart grow fonder then taking a break can be a good thing. You’ll either find out you truly can’t live without them or, despite how you feel, you actually can.