Date Night

initio.co
Image credit: initio.com

Sometimes, you just need to unwind…

I just want to write.

A symphony of words. A melody of phrase choreographed into paragraphs.

So. I don’t think that my dreams are that far-fetched at all. I love to write and I want to be a writer. What’s crazy for me is that writing is like my lover. Seriously. I think about my writing sessions during the day like it’s a dinner date with my man. Like all day when I’m at my real job, I fantasize about getting home to have a conversation with my lover. You know, going home to take a long soak in the tub filled with bubbles and smell good, alongside candles and Sade playing in the background, to get out and put on sexy lingerie, just to crawl in bed and turn on my laptop and allow my thoughts to dance onto the screen. All day at work, I daydream about what I want to write about. I even snicker to myself about ideas in my head. Writing is my therapy and my friend. When I write, I can literally make it up as I go. Usually, I like to write at the end of the day, around this time, once I’ve had a chance to reflect on the happenings of my previous hours. But sometimes, I like to write while I still have on my clothes and makeup and sit by my window and extend my tongue to the right corner of my lip, you know kinda like Carrie Bradshaw. And I do mean, therealBlackCarrieBradshaw. {Insert smiley face}

Writing calms me yet sometimes keeps me up all night.

Now normally I don’t endorse Tamar Braxton, but I was watching an episode of The Real and they were discussing why Adrienne Bailon stopped singing. And it wasn’t until she uttered these words that I realized that Tamar had actually made a valid point without totally monopolizing or diverting the conversation back to herself (oh the shade and the self-absorption is real). She said that you have to “fall in love” with your craft, which in this instance for Ms. Bailon was music. Tamar said that you can’t worry about who’s gonna buy it or even like it but that you have to love it sooooo much that your love for it shatters your fears. This was relevant to me because I too have been in this struggle of love and fear. And my fear is the exact as Adrienne’s. She said in the clip that she would almost rather it not come out, than for it to come out and “be wack”. My sentiments exactly with starting my blog. I’m so afraid of failure that it almost paralyzes me from doing something that I want more than anything in the world to do. Note to self: That is ass backward! She gave one reason, which most people found shocking, although it truly resonated with me. She admitted that she doesn’t like the sound of her own voice. So…..why make an album, you ask? Here’s the real reason (which is also true of my writing). Everyone is seeking validation in some form. So if I were to publish a blog and it gain notoriety on some large scale, then for me, I would feel assured that someone (perhaps a lot of someones) agree that my writing is good. Simple. And yes, I think that I’m a good writer, but the question for me, as I’m sure it is for many people (if we are honest with ourselves) has always been, am I good enough?

datenite

Image credit: DeJa K. Johnson

#TheRealBlackCarrieBradshaw

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