Maybe Your Picker is Broken

Tell me if this sounds familiar. You meet a guy. You start to date. And just when you think things are going well, he pumps the brakes or decides you two are better off as friends. If your relationships all seem to end up the same way, then it may be worth looking into what they all have in common: You.  Check out the following list to find out if your choice in mates is off & tips to fix your picker.

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Good Girls Finish Last

You ever been in a relationship or “deal with” somebody for so long that it’s like you try to make them see how good of a person you are?
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That’s the case for most toxic relationships. You know you’re worth more than what you’re being given, yet, you continue to go along (sometimes above & beyond) to prove your worth. BE HONEST.

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Are you in a 𝑻𝒐𝒙𝒊𝒄 Relationship?

Toxic relationships generally consist of romantic interactions between partners who have or have not exclusively committed to one another. 

Being in a toxic relationship can have not only harmful effects on your romantic relationships but it can spill over into other areas of your life such as work relations and relationships with your family and friends. It can stifle your creativity, causing you to become unmotivated about your own goals and it can be detrimental to your self-esteem. Often times, toxic relationships are hard to recognize because they are usually accompanied by extreme physical attraction, intense sexual experiences and the illusion of “chemistry”. In case you are wondering if you’re in a toxic situation, the guide below will prompt you of any behaviors in your current relationship that you should heed.

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What is the Dark Triad of Personality?

And how to avoid it like the plague that it is

Chances are, you’ve heard of narcissism (& by the slim chance that you haven’t check out my post here), but most of us have never heard the term Dark Triad. I’ll admit that I only ran across the term while researching communication behaviors for earning my Master’s degree. Coined by psychology researchers Delroy L. Paulhus and Kevin M. Williams in 2002, the term “Dark Triad” refers to a trio of negative personality traits—narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy—which share equally unappealing features. 

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Growing Up Dark-Skinned

I’ll take “You’re as beautiful on the INSIDE as you are on the outside” any day over “You’re so pretty”.
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Being pretty is nice, but for me, the greatest compliments come from people who speak to my character. My mama always taught me that it’s what’s INSIDE that matters anyway.
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Growing up, compared to my sisters, I was considered “dark-skinned” & I think I had somewhat of a complex about it. Not in the beginning, because I didn’t notice this from within my family, but it was from outsiders, strangers, that I noticed a difference. I’ll never forget one day being at a store called Holidays in Jefferson Square (in my hometown) just me & my sisters, I had to have been around…14 & my older sister introduced us to a friend of hers. “That’s your baby sister, I can tell, ya’ll are twins. She’s so pretty”. I don’t even think she looked at me. It was like I was invisible.
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For years, I tried overcompensating my abilities & my character because I knew that if I was a good person then people would have something nice to say about me. Or, I thought so, anyways.
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My mother says this phrase to me often, “DeJ, you’re as beautiful on the INSIDE as you are on the outside.” And I love that because she knows me better than anyone. But sometimes I feel like she kinda has to say that because she’s my mom, lol, right? So when someone else says it, a perfect stranger, it makes it that much more special. And that’s the ultimate compliment.