My Apology to The Other Woman

[Based on a true story]

I owe you an apology.

Although we’ve never met, I feel like we know each other. Probably as much as anyone can know through the superficial scrubbing of one’s social media profile. I made judgments about you based on your name, pictures & posts, the same way I’m sure you did about me. I clung to assumptions of who I imagined you to be. I side-eyed your pics and trolled your comments. And I questioned some of your hair pieces, as well. And I know that may sound like shade, but it’s not.

I said that to illustrate how my insecurity manifested as an attack on another woman. A woman, who is probably more like me than I’d care to admit. A woman who if I met under different circumstances, I’d probably enjoy having a few drinks & sharing a laugh with.

If you’re anything like me, then you probably enjoy red wine & live music. You’d rather stay in than to go out, but you also love getting dressed up. You’re educated, independent & I’d imagine involved in your church or community, in some way. You see, I’ll bet we have more in common than just his penis (& frankly my dear, I’d like the record to reflect that we no longer share that).

Men are usually attracted to the same type of woman. I didn’t understand that when I first saw you. Initially, I sized you up, wondering how someone could compare apples & oranges. Again, my Sister, this is not an attempt to throw shade, but rather a simple observation of the differences that you & I have.

I apologize for being short on the phone with you that day. And while I’m still going to advise that you never…ever call another woman about your man, I could have and I should have handled it differently. I’m sorry.

In that moment, all I could think about was how you had the audacity to call my phone, private – no less, address me by name and ask me anything, when I didn’t even know that you existed. And before you fix your mind to think that I’m letting him off the hook, I’ve got some choice words for him as well. Thank you. Next.

They say everything is 20/20 in hindsight. Upon reflection, I realized that instead of checking you on the phone that day, I should have checked myself. Before I was the woman on the receiving end of that call, I was once the one who made it, so I can empathize with you. What I should have done was what I wish the other woman did to me: assure me that there was nothing going on. Because at the present time, there isn’t. Yes, we have a past & we’ve remained friends. There were even times that I believed we could’ve tried again, but we didn’t cross that line. I think my reaction was more so confusion due to the fact that I didn’t know that he was as serious with someone as the two of you apparently are. That coupled with the fact that I do still care for him was the reason for my reaction. Again, my Sister, I’m sorry.

You should know that I’ve seen your pictures & I think you’re beautiful. I can see why he was attracted to you. You should also know that I haven’t taken his calls or texts & don’t plan to. And this is not out of anger, but honestly, out of respect & (because frankly my dear, I don’t want anymore more drama). If your relationship goes south, it won’t be on any account of me.

I wish you both the best,

-DeJa