Please, Don’t Call Me Crazy

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Why is that men are always quick to yell “she’s crazy”, “psycho”, even “a stalker” right? Yeah, I’ve heard it all and probably even been called it all before. Like most men I’ve encountered, Big was no exception with this, either. And because I loved him, I wanted to believe him. They say that everything’s 20/20 in hindsight. Now I understand exactly what that means. But for a long time, I didn’t. I just went along with what he told me. Had me thinking twice about her- a woman I’ve never held a single conversation with. All the while, the common denominator in the equation is the man I love.

So I’m supposed to believe that this lady is just effing batshit crazy over you for no apparent reason at all, huh?  Let me tell you something. If she’s acting that way, it’s because you’re giving her a reason to. She’s not crazy. She’s not a stalker. She’s not just obsessed with you. You are still involved with her in some capacity. And it could be that you’re sending mixed messages.

When a man is really done and doesn’t want to deal with you anymore, guess what? He won’t deal with you anymore. There are some things that a man can say to a woman that will make her never want to talk to him ever again in life. Like calling her a liar. A stupid bitch. Or a promiscuous, shallow, ignorant whore. And just like men have pride when a woman tells them that they don’t want them anymore and thus to move on, so do women. The only thing is that the statute of limitations for bullshit is greatly extended. A woman will continue to love you if she just believes in a chance. She’ll love you even when she knows for a fact that you’re doing her wrong. She’ll love you when you don’t even love yourself. Sometimes, she may even love you more than she loves herself. You can’t be mad at her for that. It’s not her fault anyway. God created her that way.

A woman’s ability to love is because we truly encompass the essence of forgiveness. That’s the reason we can love you through disrespect. Infidelity. Lies. Selfishness. Miscommunication. Misunderstandings and host of other flaws. The day that we leave you alone is not because we stopped loving you, we just stopped believing in you.

And that’s where I am today.

A woman will never leave you alone when she sees the potential for a relationship and believes that you feel the same. It’s not until she’s truly had enough disappointment. Cried enough tears. Lost enough hope. Squandered enough pride. Enough that won’t allow her to keep being stupid over you that she walks away. That is, if you’re being honest about what it is. But if you’re steadily stringing her along, blowing her mind with amazing sex, and doing small things like spending time, even if it’s ultimately benefiting you in some way, then that can be misconstrued as spending time together and in the mind of a woman, that can equate to “working on a relationship”. And if that’s not your intent, then you should make that perfectly, verbally clear. And FYI, this right here ain’t clear:

Words left unspoken are often lost in translation. And in between orgasms.

Big is so evasive. Always has been. You can ask him the simplest question and get the most complex answer. I remember one day while I was living in Maryland, I asked him, “Why have you never come to see me?”  He replied, “You never asked”. Now in my mind, I was thinking like,  what woman wants to ask, (even though technically, I’m asking now)? Furthermore, when you wanted to take me to dinner, I didn’t have to ask. When you wanted me to come see you, I didn’t have to ask… The only thing that I could interpret was that the reason he didn’t make an effort was because he didn’t want to. And while I didn’t want to admit it then, I’m wise enough to recognize the curve now.

So maybe I was crazy. Maybe I was dumb. Or maybe I was just a damn fool. There were certainly times when I thought so. But I refuse to believe that it was ever completely one-sided. It goes both ways. And for my part, I can take ownership of that. Maybe I really was crazy.

Then again, maybe I was just a woman. Who fell in love with a man.




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