Are you letting anxiety ruin your prospects of love? You are not alone.

• Do you attempt to control every aspect of the relationship?
• Are you so jealous that you check their social media on a daily basis and have even (social) stalked your significant other?
• Do you constantly worry about getting your feelings hurt (again)?
• Does fear make you amplify other people’s flaws until you drive them away before you really get a chance to know them?

These are common tactics that many of us deal with. We all carry baggage from past relationships. For some, however, that baggage leads to paralyzing fear and unwillingness to commit at all. This is a problem I know all too well because I’m working through this, myself.

You may feel that your baggage will always control your life but this doesn’t have to be the case. Succumbing to the fear is the easy way out but it will never give you the love and the respect that you dream of and that you really deserve, but here’s what will.

Recognizing your anxiety triggers and their origins.

This is the first step to overcoming your anxious attachment style. The solution includes understanding the specific events that create your anxiety triggers and using a “mind detox method” to free yourself, allowing love and intimacy to blossom.

With this transformation, you’ll gain the clarity to know what true anxiety is, how to release it, and step boldly into love. I’ve come across some great resources in the past couple years. Aside from academic research while working on my Masters degree, I read this incredible book by TIm Laurence where he shares practical exercises, personal stories, and insightful commentary to demonstrate how we can identify and resolve the inherited patterns of behavior that cause emotional and spiritual trauma. This book was different than any self-help book I’ve ever read before because it’s based on his 7-day intensive, residential program which is consistently sold out at $4,895 a pop. Yes, I was that interested in the process that I looked into, but obviously the sticker shock of it led me to the alternative of the book. There’s even one visualization exercise in the book that I’ve incorporated into my personal development program, The Breakup Space Recovery Program.

Exercise emotional discipline

If you are already in a relationship and finding yourself stressing over it, just take a deep breath and remind yourself that this is an automated paradigm you have. It’s a default video that’s been playing in your mind for years and it’s not your fault. Instead of worrying about your last conversation, focus on managing your emotions. Try to think more about how you feel and what is causing you to feel this way. Interrupt the anxious thought patterns in your head by reminding yourself of this attachment style and then redirect your focus towards something else.

Use this SIMPLE affirmation

The partner I seek is also seeking me and I now release any blocks that are standing between us.

Why is this important?

When anxiety triggers go unnoticed, it often leads to self-sabotaging in our relationships. You know how it goes. You find someone you connect with, you have fun for a while — but once they seem to want to take things a step further, you do something to sever the connection. Things may have started out hot and heavy, but as the days go by, all of their cute little quirks that you didn’t mind in the beginning become annoying flaws, and your long conversations get shorter and shorter. You may even begin to “not have time” to return their calls or texts right away. Soon, you grow further and further apart until your relationship becomes just another acquaintance. When your girlfriends ask you what happened, you chalk it up to, “it just didn’t work out” but you know deep down, you found something wrong with them. This is a pattern, and an unhealthy one.

Of course, it’s easier to find fault in others and push them away than it is to confront our own flaws and fix them. But if you really want to experience love, even deeper love in your current relationships with family and friends, then it’s worth it to do the self-work within.

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