In this moment, I am engulfed in the peace that I’ve been praying for.
The past couple days have been amazing. In fact, I’ve had a really great week, even despite the few encounters that we had. The latest episode caught me totally off guard so I had to really exercise emotional discipline & keep my feelings in check. Seeing him often makes me replay all the things again in my mind that I’m trying to forget.
God in heaven knows that I’ve been diligently praying about this whole situation. The night that everything happened, I prayed to God, “Lord, please just tell me. Is he the one or do I need to just let him go?” God said to me, “Do you still want me to answer that? Because he already did.” At first, it made me mad. Then I cried. Then I prayed again. The next day I realized that God not honoring my request was the answer.
I think one of greatest things I’ve been doing for myself is focusing on gratitude. And it’s really amazing & quite refreshing at how something so simple makes such an incredible impact. Whenever I find myself angry or sad or even just a little down, I think about something he did to make me laugh. I’ve found myself smiling for no reason & laughing out loud & instantly I feel better when I focus on the good rather than bad. I tell myself that instead of being sad that I can’t share those moments with him now, I remind myself to grateful for the amazing laughs that we’ve already shared.
Sometimes I look back at the red flags & inconsistencies & I thank God that our relationship ended now rather than by the time I’d become his wife or had his child or gotten into a deeper bond with him.
Garth Brooks has a song with the same title as this blog post. In it, there is a lyric that says, “Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.”