So Much for Vacation

We all deserve a break sometime…

Every now & then, it’s good to take a step back from everything. I think the last thing I shared with you guys was that I managed to pull in a 4.0 GPA in my graduate studies while working, full-time, part-time & as a part-time grad assistant on a research project, outside of the “ghosting” research I’m doing for my own Master’s defense & that I needed a much needed vacation. While the idea of family vacation sounds like a good idea in theory, I don’t know why I keep convincing myself to go on family vacays every year. I’m not built for that shit.

I love my family, but sometimes, my family exhausts me. What was supposed to be an oasis of relaxation turned into anything but. Weeks leading up to Memorial Day weekend, I dreamed of an escape where I would do nothing but lay on the beach & read a good book & then go back to my hotel room & read some more. All I wanted to eat some amazing sea food & soak up the sun while wading in the water. And I did…well, kind of.


So here’s the thing, so I don’t sound like my family vacation was totally fucked up on account of my family, lol. I kinda sorta rescued 2 senior Yorkie dogs a couple weeks ago (totally on a whim) & I’ve been absolutely obsessed with them. It’s like, I’m a new mother & my life has been consumed with the responsibilities that come along with adopting child pets. On one hand, they’ve brought me so much joy. On the other hand, I feel like, “it’s not just me anymore” & everything I do, I have to consider them. It’s scary as shit because this is the whole reason I don’t have kids.

So needless to say, my social media activity has taken a back seat. It was my truest intent to schedule content while I was on vacation, but the truth is, I didn’t even pack a single thing until the night before I left & in true fashion, I packed waaaay more shit than I ever could have worn. But anyways, taking time away from social media always gives me clarity.

I feel like, people put way too much energy into social media. Sometimes, I put way too much energy into social media. While I was on vacation, I almost felt “compelled” to post something, just for the sake of posting. Like, “Oh, I’m here in this fabulous place, let me take a pic…” Fuck it. I decided that rather than post, I’d actually be present. I had to check myself & ask, “Okay, why are you really posting?” On one hand, for a blogger, such as myself, I feel pressure to post, to engage & stay relevant. Out of sight, out of mind (which is evident by my MASSIVE decrease in my analytics this week, ouch!). But I had to remind myself this week, that my happiness isn’t & shouldn’t be measured by the approval of my friends/followers. But then, isn’t that the whole fucking fucked up psychology behind social media, anyway? To play on your happiness by the approval (likes) of other people?

As I laid on that beach, which was pretty close to paradise, I couldn’t help but wonder…how much does social media affect our social realities?


-The Real Black Carrie Bradshaw

Do You Believe in Soulmates?

I’ve always been intrigued by the idea of soulmates.

In theory, it’s a beautiful notion, this idea that there’s someone out there who you’re destined to be with. A person designed specifically for you. But in all of the optimism of finding that special one, comes along with the scathing reality of not finding the one or even losing them. It got me to thinking. In life, are we allowed more than one soulmate?

In asking this question, I first had to ponder what does that even mean? What exactly is a soulmate?

As someone offered on my Facebook post today, soulmates are those people who stay around for the long run, but maybe not a lifetime. I happen to believe that the word is a kin to it’s namesake, a person who’s soul or spirit connects with yours. For me, it can be any person who’s made a significant impact in your life, whether it’s a lover, family member or friend. This person went onto say that there are three types of people you encounter in life: Kindred Spirits, Soulmates, and Twin Flames. Kindred spirits, she suggested, are people you “vibe with,” like minded but they may not be around long term. She further explained that the “true goal” is to find your twin flame – the one person who’s meant for you.

Whatever name you want to call it, my question remains the same. Do you believe that in a lifetime, you only get one true love?

My ex & I had a disagreement about this a long time ago. His position was that you only get one true love. I remember we were talking about marrying our soulmates, at that time, we believed each other to be soulmates. He said to me, “When I marry you, that’s it. Ain’t no other soulmate for me.” In a genuinely curious moment I asked, “Not to be morbid babe, but what happens if I die?” He insisted that he believed that you only get one & after that, he’d be done. It made me sad. Having lost a man who I believe to this day was my soulmate, I expressed how I believed my ex would have wanted me to love again, the same way I would want him to. Think about it. Imagine falling in love  & marrying “the love of your life” when life takes an unexpected turn and you lose the person who was your entire world.

If soulmates & twin spirits are restricted to just one, then what a sad notion it is that you don’t get a second chance at true love. I truly believe that some people are lucky to find one person that they get to spend their entire life with. The rest of us are blessed to get more.

Call me crazy, but I happen to believe in the abundance of love.

-TheRealBlackCarrieBradshaw

My Apology to The Other Woman

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I owe you an apology.

Although we’ve never met, I feel like we know each other. Probably as much as anyone can know through the superficial scrubbing of one’s social media profile. I made judgments about you based on your name, pictures & posts, the same way I’m sure you did about me. I clung to assumptions of who I imagined you to be. I side-eyed your pics and trolled your comments. And I questioned some of your hair pieces, as well. And I know that may sound like shade, but it’s not. Continue reading “My Apology to The Other Woman”

Good Girl vs. Bad Girl

good-girl-bad-girl

I can not figure out definitively if I want to be a “good girl,  & like all about the Lord, just full-on open up the doors to the church type girl” or if I want to be just a “balls to the wall, all the way out there, hard-core, dirty dog” with it, you know what I’m saying? Like, I can’t figure out which one I wanna do. It seems like I haven’t had much success with either of these two extremes. Last week I wrote a post that kinda kick-started my crusade for #30Datesin30Days & thus my journey to “the dark side” & me being a bad girl. Here, almost a week later I can declare that having walked along both sides the fence, neither one is working for me with regard to relationships. Continue reading “Good Girl vs. Bad Girl”